Article: The Important Thing About Yelling

I am fairly proud of the fact that most of the time, I have - or at the very least appear to have - my shit together.  When it comes to the girls, I try hard to be patient, loving, gentle and kind.  What ends up happening in reality is constant hurrying (to get ready, eat, get in the car, do homework, finish bedtime stories) and becoming annoyed, frustrated and disappointed.  Disappointed that I am disappointed.  Disappointed that my "perfect" Lauren sometimes whines, gets cranky, and isn't perfect.  Sometimes even disappointed that Elizabeth is so different from Lauren because if she were the same, my life would be so much easier!  (Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds.)  As you can tell from this picture, my Ebi can be tough and defiant.  While I know those characteristics can serve her well in life, sometimes they make being a mom hard.  Even though I took the critical step of identifying and acknowledging my wrongdoings, the negativity that often results via an overstretched mom rears its ugly head now and then.

Here's a recent example.  I have been traveling about once a month and it's taking a toll.  I have traveling-working-mother guilt, especially for my last trip on 5/30 since Tae wasn't even home (he was in Vegas for a bachelor party).  My partner-in-crime at work resigned and his last day was May 24 so that's another stress factor while I figure things out.  When I glance at my email during dinner and I see a red exclamation point, or when I see an email from a colleague I don't like, I become stressed and grow irritable.  I snap at Tae, lose my patience with the girls, or get annoyed at my mom.  Essentially, I hurt those that I love the most and are closest to me.  

Then I stumbled upon this article.  I am certainly not ready to go Hands Free, but I am making the conscience decision to be present, not look at my phone every two minutes and take each moment as it comes.  I also know that Lauren and Elizabeth respond better to a gentle mom, not a mean mommy.  Recently, Lauren spilled a decent amount of water on her bed while taking her last gulp before bed.  I likely would have reacted negatively - an "ugh" or an eye roll.  But I recalled this article.  Instead, I dabbed the wet spot and assured her it would dry by the morning.  I am and will always be a work in progress but I hope the girls know that I am trying and doing my best for them.  Because really when all is said and done, being a mom is the best and I love it.