My take on Lean In

I was a born feminist.  Even as a toddler, I just hated the words, "You can't do that because you are a girl."  My mother didn't know any better, that was her normal.  I have a brother who is just 16 months older so I grew up doing everything he did - playing tag football after church and challenging each other in games like Battleship and Stratego.

Early on in my career, a lot of my cultural upbringing had a profound impact on how I presented myself at work.  I was the quiet one that produced great work.  I never seeked recognition.  I always trusted that the right people would notice my hard work.  I didn't dare disagree with my boss and did everything I was asked of.

Through years of experience, I started to figure things out.  I learned that it's quite powerful to have a strong point of view about something, lead with conviction, and speak openly about what's on my mind.  I'm still, and always will be, a work in progress.  I'm also conscious of my fears in the work place and make a conscious effort not to let it paralyze me.  Even just a few years ago, if someone asked me, "What's your biggest fear?"  I would have responded, "Failure."  Now I know that being afraid to fail is failure itself.  It prevents growth, prohibits any sort of risk-taking and makes you believe you are not good enough.  I am no longer afraid of failure!  That's a BIG deal for me!   

Before having Lauren and Elizabeth, it was easy to focus on work.  Last-minute 6 p.m. conference call?  No problem!  You need me in Seattle next week for a 3-hour meeting?  I'll be there!  Now?  I need to be diligent about scheduling, maximize every minute at work and establish necessary boundaries.  I am fortunate to work in an exceptional work environment at Amazon where I am empowered and even encouraged to work this way.  I work from home on Fridays so I can have the wonderful experience of picking up my children from school at least once a week.  I am in the office no earlier than 9:30 (I do drop-off before work) and usually leave at 5 p.m. to catch the 5:29 at Penn Station or get to the store by 5:30 the days Tae and I come home together.  I primarily work with folks in Seattle and it's only 2 p.m. there when I leave.  That means I'm back online after QT with the girls, putting them down and having dinner.  Except for tough weeks, I don't mind this at all.  I even enjoy it most evenings.  This is my solution for 'Leaning In."  So far (yes, I realize my oldest is only 5!) I have never missed a parent-teacher conference or major school event like the Thanksgiving Assembly.  Some days are nuts like the day I took a weekly call in one of the science rooms at Buckley because I volunteered to do something that day at the school.  However, I recognize that this is my solution to 'having it all.'    

 

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's COO, came out with a book this month called 'Lean In.'  I love what she stands for.  I respect that she is driving change based on the belief that men and women can both accomplish great things at home and work through partnership.  She has become an inspiration to me and sometimes when I feel doubt, I ask myself, "How would Sheryl Sandberg solve this problem?"  During my first MBR (Monthly Business Review) with my team's execs, I made sure I 'sat at the table' and presented myself with confidence.  Going back to my work-in-progress statement earlier, I still have a ton of room to grow but at least I am truly aware and know what I have to do.   

I was even compelled to gift the book to my best friends.  Today, I wrote them this email:

By the end of the day at the latest, you will have received a little Amazon box from me.  In it, is a book called ‘Lean In’ authored by someone who has been an inspiration to me in the last few years, Sheryl Sandberg.  (I don’t think I ever shared this but she was one of the key reasons I decided to pursue something outside of MSFT!)  You must have seen and read a ton of press as she has been promoting her book big time.  Though the core messages may have varying degrees of importance to you (empowering women, leadership, ambition, men’s responsibility in all this), the two key themes that have boiled down to me are 1. we as individuals have a voice and 2. fear shouldn’t hold us back in doing what we want, whatever that want is. 

In that spirit, I wanted to share this book with five of the strongest women I know.  I give three people credit for allowing me to live the life I have chosen to live and that’s my mother, Tae and the five of you (collectively you are one!).  If you decide to take the time to read it J, I hope you take away whatever resonates w/ you individually and perhaps walk away being more open to taking risks, being less afraid, and feeling more powerful and aware of what you can accomplish in this life we have been given.  Additionally, maybe you will become inspired to say and do things a little differently w/ our daughters, sons, nieces and nephews.

I believe in the power of all human beings.  I believe that one person can make a difference.  I believe that one person can be me.  I hope L & E will read this one day and know they have the power to accomplish extraordinary things, be a mom and be happy with their life choices.