Growing up without a "poor" mentality

I heard Oprah say several times throughout her talk show career that she still packs her lunch everyday.  Not directly to save money, but because the she still had the "poor" mentality and she thinks about certain things whereas someone having grown up in a life of privilege would never consider.

I feel like I had one of the best childhoods ever.  My family took tons of trips, celebrated birthdays and holidays, and I remember many visits to the toy store.  Even after my father passed away suddenly on Sept 20, 1984, my lifestyle didn't change - at least in my eyes.  (Ask my mother, she'll tell you that her life changed inside out, upside down, sideways, etc.!)  My mom still continued with private schools (thru 8th grade), my brother and I continued with piano and tennis lessons, and even went to Europe and Asia to visit our extended family over summer break.  But slowly, as I grew up, I realized how difficult my mom's life had been in order to minimize disruption to her childrens' lives after our father died.  My mom would tell me well after I had my first job that she would only put in $10 worth of gas so she could save enough to give me a monthly allowance while I was away at school. 

I am now at a point in my life where I am 110% fulfilled and happy!  I feel so complete in every aspect of my life.  My family.  My friends.  My career.  Tae and I are lucky to have the same outlook on money where we see it as a means to an end and not THE end.  But because now that I understand the magnitude of my mother's sacrifices and all that she gave up for her children, I would say with absolute certainty that a part of my mentality is poor.  I think long and hard before spending an extra $1,500 on an oceanfront rental vs. Garden View (even if I will easily give my mother $1,500 as a thank you - she usually doesn't take it by the way...)  I rarely pay full price for clothes.  I will spend the extra time to price compare if I know multiple retailers sell a particular product. 

Last week, I came home to several new books on the coffee table.  My mother had taken Lauren to the toy store where instead of picking toys, she picked about five new books for herself and Elizabeth.  My mom was so proud of Lauren that day (she has been amazing during her piano lessons) and as a reward, my mom asked Lauren where she wanted to go after her lesson.  Lauren answered, "The toy store."  That same evening, Lauren asked me for cookies.  So I baked some for her (frozen dough, not scratch!).  She then asked for milk.  Seconds later, bam, it was right in front of her.  I realized at that very moment that this girl will ask for something and it will be given to her.  It HAS been given to her.  I took this realization as an opportunity to explain the concept of appreciation...that not everybody has easy access to basic-to-her things like books, cookies, and milk.  Of course she innocently asked, "Why?" - not that I expected her to get it immediately.  It was just a reminder to me that my girls have to grow up with some sort of poor mentality.  I want them to grow up with drive, ambition, hunger, and the will to be their best.  I want them to experience the thrill of achieving something they worked incredibly hard for.  I know that in order to experience all these things, there has to be disappointment, defeat, and failure.  It will be my job as their mother to always be supportive, dust their pants, help them pick themselves right back up, and keep going.  This is what my mother has always done for me.

Video: Best Job | P&G London 2012 Olympic Games Film

I have been in the digital ad sales business since 1997 and I have never felt this way about an ad or some other piece of digital content.  This P&G ad literally moved me to tears.  I was able to maintain my composure up until the last 30 seconds.  Then I lost it when the gymnast gave her mother a powerful, heartfelt hug. 

This story is spot on.  It's about all the every day actions, decisions, love, care, sacrifice, and faith that only moms can do to dream big dreams for their children and ensure they live their best lives.  I thought about every conference call I took in a parking lot just so I could take the girls to school or pick them up.  I clearly recalled the time I took a day trip to Seattle (yes, it's possible) so I could present at a meeting with the CMO of Neiman Marcus AND make Parent's Day at Lauren's camp.  All the times I quickly put the girls to sleep so I could run to BJ's Wholesale to pick up 12 half gallons of milk and 36 eggs.  Or to Target at 10:00 PM (they close at 11!) to pick up a birthday gift for a party I completely forgot about. 

But this is child's play compared to what my own dear mother went through for me and my brother as a single mom.  When she lost her husband in a matter of hours at just 36 years old with two children...  Working seven days for 10 years.  Filling only $10 worth of gas in her car so she could have more to spend on us.  Giving up her life to ensure my brother and I could reach our potential as her children. 

My relationship with my mother (two halmuhnee as the girls call her) is...I can't find the right words to describe it.  I owe everything I have achieved to her.  She is such an integral part of my girls' lives.  And it's deliberate because my mom continues with the same drive she exemplified while I was growing up.  She wants me to continue having a career, being independent, strong, and successful - all on my own.  I define myself.  And I am able to do that only because of my mother - in all the ways only a mother can - exactly like the ways illustrated in this video. 

Enjoying the Montauk sunset, 2011

Full Circle

Lauren wearing my old ice skating dress from my
first competition.

At 37 years old, I haven't experienced a ton of "full circle" moments - at least not too many that were obvious to me.  But, I recently had one.  This past weekend, my mother brought over a few ice skating outfits I had worn growing up.  I couldn't believe she kept them!  One of them was a rich, deep pink dress that I wore for my first competition.  (I won bronze by the way.)  I still remember vividly how she meticulously and precisely decorated the dress with sequins along the waist, sleeves, and neckline by hand.  Of course, Lauren being all about sparkly things these days, she tried on this dress as soon as she saw it.  It was magical to see my 4-year-old daughter wearing the exact same outfit I wore over 30 years ago.  My E gravitated towards one of my old "practice" floral dresses and put it on immediately.  More significantly, this moment reminded me about the power mothers held to create life-long memories for their children.  It's such an amazing responsibility.

Family traditions - one moment at a time

It truly is hard to believe that my Lauren, born at just 6lbs, 4 ounces and my E, born at 8lbs even, are now these two big, happy, and strong girls.  We had one of the best family vacations at Rocking Horse Ranch in Highland, NY.  (When I told my mom I was taking the family there, she reminded me that she and my dad took me and my brother there when we were kids ourselves.  How wild is that?)  We just enjoyed our precious, uninterrupted time together as a family for three full days.  In my true fashion, each day had an agenda (horseback riding, paddle boating, bungee trampolining, Easter egg hunting, swimming, etc.) and the girls had the time of their lives.  We woke up together and went to bed together. We ate three meals together and danced together. 

This trip made me further appreciate - rather, cherish - this magical time in our lives.  They will never be almost 5 and almost 3 ever again.  But moment by moment, day by day, experience by experience, trip by trip, I look forward to building meaningful family traditions and extraordinary lasting memories.

Tough sweetheart

My E has rightfully earned a reputation for being a tough cookie.  She has a ton of conviction and doesn't hesitate to say or do what's on her mind.  E doesn't care if you're a boy or a girl, older or younger...she will behave exactly the same.  One of my school-mom-friends told me that E was a tough one after E snapped at her for taking her napkin when she wasn't done using it while at a birthday party.  Yes, I have to teach her language refinement and tone but truth be told - I absolutely love her strength, tenacity, and confidence. 

Through the tough surface, there is an incredibly sweet and caring little girl.  After bathtime three nights ago, I went downstairs to take care of a few things while Tae was reading the girls a story.  I didn't think to tell them since I was going to be back in a few minutes to tuck them in.  E started looking for me, calling my name as she opened the door to her bathroom and bedroom.  When I went back upstairs, she asked, "Mommy, where were you?"  Then before I had a chance to respond, she continued, "I was so worried about you."  It was one of the sweetest words that came out of her mouth.  I am including this picture of E to remind myself - especially as she goes through the 'lovely' teen years - that she really is a gentle sweetheart.

Getting ready for an Easter weekend getaway

Lauren has been counting down the days since the beginning of the week for our upcoming Easter weekend getaway.  "Mommy, 3 more days until vacation."  Then the next evening, "Mommy, 2 more days until vacation!  I am so excited!"  My E has also been counting down in her own way.  A few days after we got back from our last vacation (skiing), she asked when she could sleep in a hotel again!

Next week is Spring break for the kids and normally, I would have taken the week off to spend time w/ them.  But five weeks into a new job, it didn't seem like a good time to take off.  I'm on a huge learning curve as it is!

Nevertheless, especially with all the traveling I did last month, I wanted to do something special w/ the girls.  After hearing about this place from one of my school-mom-friends, I decided to check it out: Rocking Horse Ranch in Highland, NY.  It's a top-rated, all inclusive family resort.  As its name implies, there is unlimited horseback riding in addition to fun activities like an indoor water park, nightly entertainment, and food prepared by an award winning chef.  I'll let you know how everything is afterward we return!

For me, it's another proud moment as a working mom.  I feel so good (actually, really fantastic) that I have the time, desire, and means to spend quality time with my family...expose the girls to new environments...and ultimately - day by day, trip by trip - show the girls how to live fulfilling and happy lives.