A better way to say sorry

I often get asked the question, "Do your children get along?"  And my response has consistently been, "It's love/hate at the moment.  One minute they are laughing, hugging and playing nicely with each other and the next, they are fighting or annoying each other."
 
I have one very specific childhood memory.  My dad would never get mad at me or my brother for anything (throwing water balloons off our 3rd floor balcony onto unsuspecting people?  No problem!) except for when my brother and I fought.  We were taking one of our famous road trips somewhere and I remember my dad pulling off the road to discipline us.  It worked...for that moment.  My brother and I fought like cats and dogs until we left the house for college.  Even now, we have disagreements of course, but they are quite tame.
 
Lauren for the most part doesn't bother Elizabeth.  She's not the type to intentionally try to get under someones skin like my Ebs.  Lauren finds joy in reading a Rainbow Fairy book, coloring, writing or playing with her ipad.  Elizabeth likes to copy, tease and get a reaction from her big sister, which of course is all very annoying to Lauren.  I have dealt with these types of altercations in primarily two ways.  Number 1: I send both to their room or give one a time out so she can calm down, realize her actions and finally say sorry.  Number 2: I tell them to deal with it on their own (typically when I don't have the energy or patience to execute Number 1).  In any event, the discipline ends when one says "sorry" and the other one says "it's okay."

However, I came across an article today about a better way to say sorry.  And here is the framework: 

1. I'm sorry for _____.
2. This is wrong because _____.
3. In the future I will _____.
4. Will you forgive me?

Following this framework teaches the children what it means to be sorry and deliver a genuine apology.  As the recipient, it teaches children about forgiveness. 

I'm excited to try this!  I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunity when I get home from work (I get home usually by 6:30 and they are in bed by 8:00 but you'd be surprised how much arguing can happen in just 1.5 hours!) 
 

My Elizabeth

I am truly blessed to have two daughters who are so different yet extraordinary in their own ways.  I want to focus on just Elizabeth right now.



Elizabeth at 4 & 3/4 years old

Elizabeth is strong, full of pride and mature.  She has amazing imagination, advanced vocabulary and loves to role play.  Elizabeth is independent, strong-willed and yes, short-tempered.  She is funny, fashionable, sweet, sensitive, empathetic, FULL of personality and extremely lovable. In essence, she is exactly half of me and half of Tae. 
As a younger sibling myself, I know what it's like to constantly be compared to your older sibling, especially if your older sibling is seemingly "better" than you in a specific area like academics or athletics.  I also know what it's like to want to "copy" your older sibling yet find your own identity.

Next Tuesday, May 20, 2014, the Pre-K class will perform in their annual Spring Sing.  I know this from Lauren's Pre-K year that one of the songs they will perform is to demonstrate their developing phonemic awareness.  Elizabeth just started singing one of her Pre-K Spring Sing songs this past week in front of my mom, brother and Lauren.  Here is the video I captured.  Elizabeth's body language, disposition, facial expressions and performance all collectively capture all that is Elizabeth.  I get an immense smile on my face every time I watch this video.  As you can clearly see, she brings sheer joy into our families' lives.

We love you so very much Elizabeth!

Always loves to show a little shoulder!

Look at this face (with her lovie Baby Gom)

Lauren's 1st figure skating competition

I don't even know how to start.  As a mom, I get to experience thousands of proud moments.  Elizabeth slowly beginning to read and write in pre-k.  Lauren's score of 100% on every single spelling test in 1st grade to date.  Lauren and Elizabeth being invited by their gymnastics school to try out for their accelerated program because they exhibited interest and skill "beyond their peers." I can go on and on.

Today, Lauren competed in her first figure skating event and last Sunday before her lesson, she did a "dress rehearsal" just before the public session at her home rink, Iceland.  Lauren was a bit nervous leading up to her taking the ice (the anticipation is always tougher than the real thing!) but she did great and gained confidence for sure.  It really helped with today's main event.  Lauren was in the "Basics 3" group and had program requirements of stroking, pumping on circle, slalom, back 1 foot glide and 2-foot spin.  There were about 8 children in this category and just like skating events you see on tv, each group had a warm-up session and then each skater went on.

Lauren did two quick dry-runs of her actual program during the warm-up and she was the first to go on.  I gave her only two marching orders: 1. Try your best and 2. Have so much fun!  Boy, did she ever!  She entered the ice with confidence, nailed each requirement and had a lot of fun.  One of the sweetest moments for me was Priscilla's (Lauren's coach) embrace after her performance.  Her student made her proud. 

Priscilla said Lauren's scores would likely be available in the next 30 minutes so we stuck around and watched the next group go on.  Then Priscilla guided me to the score posting area and learned Lauren earned 1st place!!  She received her first trophy!  We didn't stay for the actual ceremony because we had to meet up with Elizabeth and Tae for dinner.  However we had a celebratory dinner at Umberto's in Lauren's honor.  She was showing off her trophy to the wait staff, NHCC members we just happen to have met there, strangers...it was awesome!

Official results!  Lauren Kyung #1!

Lauren said, "I love competition!" and informed me she would like to do another one "in June."  I thought to myself, "Good!  Because in life you are going to have to compete a lot for a lot of different things!"

Here is Lauren's 1st place performance.  I am so proud of you Champ!  And because my Lauren is my Lauren...as I tucked her in tonight and said goodnight, she said to me, "Tomorrow I am going to write Priscilla a thank you card."  Heart of gold that one.
 

Cantiague Park Ice Rink, Hicksville, NY

Last-minute strategizing with her coach, Priscilla

 

Final warm-ups

1st place trophy

Lauren's first-ever trophy

Congratulations Lauren!